Inspired by the Weightless blog, I set an intention to notice things this weekend.
We were staying at a cottage in lovely Rondeau Provincial Park and had the opportunity to be out in nature.
Our first walk on the beach, brought a bounty of beauty. There were several kite surfing enthusiasts enjoying the winds of Lake Erie.
Wikipedia states,
a kitesurfer or kiteboarder harnesses the power of the wind with a large controllable power kite to be propelled across the water on a kiteboard similar to a wakeboard or a small surfboard, with or without foot-straps or bindings.
The colours were spectacular and the Kitesurfers are quite daring. While simply enjoying themselves, they put on a delightful show.
hidden frog
Caleb saw this huge frog, who was happy to pose for a photograph. I almost cycled over a painted turtle and was delighted to see five white swans which are somewhat new to Rondeau Bay.
On one of many bike rides we heard a symphony of red wind black birds in the Marshes complimented by prothonotary warblers.
While sitting in the backyard reading, which allows for a view of the beach and the forest, I always notice that it is such a happy place. It seems the squirrels and chipmunks and birds (warblers, purple martins, cardinals and common barn swallows) are having a blast re-aquainting with nature after a long winter. They sing and scamper to the beat of their own drum.
I loved the delight of Caleb and Neil, while they fished off the end of the dock. They caught and released several species of fish; blue gill, pumpkin seed, sunfish and yellow perch.
I noticed and appreciated..
...the comfort of our bed and the crisp, fresh linens.
...the way my husband's skin wrinkles around his eyes when he smiles at me.
...the thrill of adventuring past our normal bike route to the edge of the park.
...how a good book feels in my hands and relaxes my mind.
...how a meal tastes twice as good shared with my brother and his family.
...how my Dad likes to spoil his grand-kids.
...how my Mom spent time with Blake.
...how the little cousins really enjoy playing together.
...how special it is to spend time with our boys before Blake moves away to college in the fall.
Because I had my eye out for noticing pleasure, this weekend was joyful on every account.
My yoga buddy Torsten and I finished the Rogerstv show, Hot Yoga Tales.
The days leading up to the final taping of the 45 minute Hot Yoga shows were difficult for me.
I had agreed to this volunteer commitment months earlier and always assumed that there would be between 8 and 10 participants and the instructor. Instead, Rogerstv after a site visit, decided to have one teacher and 2 participants. No.Blending.In. Yikes.
Every insecurity and thought related to self acceptance was being challenged. It felt like every strength I had developed in my thought life about body image and identity and spirituality was being tested. It was much like the test my muscles endured learning yoga poses. It was "planking" of the mind and I wasn't sure I could follow through.
Several things helped.
I sent out an email to a few friends to admit my insecurity, "I actually feel a lot of pressure to do the yoga well, but mostly, it's 45 minutes in figure revealing work out clothes, on camera, that is bothering me." I knew I had to fight my tendency to hide out and cry. I asked some women to pray for me.
My sweet neighbour listened and suggested some retail therapy. She firmly said, "you need a new top." The day we planned did not pan out because my little Caleb was home sick and throwing up. With a quick jaunt to the grocery store, I netted several work out items to try on.
Months earlier I had stumbled across the Curvy Yoga Matifesto and I revisited it. Two lines were helpful for me.
loving your own body opens the door for others to love theirs...
time we spent criticizing our bodies is now spent chasing our dreams...
A childhood friend, echoed the sentiment of the first line when she said to me, "do it (this show) for women everywhere..." Somehow that helped me.
There was this woman at the gym who randomly said, "aren't you taking a year to live athletically?" I was gently reminded in my Spirit that change takes time and I was about 4 months in with this dream to live a healthy life. I am rich in time.
A blog post by Gary Morland as part of his Everything Fits series helped me to remember and recognize that self-obsession and worry is not helpful as did this fabulous song by Jason Mraz, entitled, "Living in the Moment."
Doing the Dr. Oz 3-day-detox-cleanse helped to reduce bloating and I felt as though my eyes and skin glowed, even though I would be nowhere near skinny. I liked it. I was challenged to stay the course of living my life without processed sugar and coffee and felt proud of the accomplishment of drinking 4 blended shakes a day made of healthy food.
The Weightless blog has practical advice. It went beyond positive statements to just simply do this or do that. I found there were lots of suggestions to consider, for the middle place. That place where the positive statements feel fake and have no effect. There were actions I could take, for example,
"Taking self-portraits is a vulnerable act. Many of us barely like looking in the mirror. So capturing ourselves with a camera — a sort of permanent image — feels uncomfortable, silly and even scary." Thank-you Weightless blog for helping to normalize some of my feelings.
Vivienne McMaster wrote beautifully on self-portraiture, and while I am not in control of the Rogerstv cameras or post-production, it helped put my mind in a better frame.
part of the production and camera crew
Make-up. The days of the filming I had my make-up professionally applied at Victoria Bourque's Beauty Boutique. It was time well spent with Victoria, a lovely human being, who is a gifted "enhancer" of beauty.
snapped by friend Laura at her front door
This opportunity to be part of the show was awesome. I think my favourite part was the people, the conversations; with Jennifer, Dan and Julia at the Rogerstv studio, with Cindy, the owner of Bradford Hot Yoga and some of the instructors, and with Torsten, the other ordinary person who had never done yoga before.
I had committed to learning some yoga and my body has benefited from the lengthening and strengthening. I have filled my journal with reflections on yoga and how slowing down, breathing and stretching fits in my life.
I like the practise in yoga of setting an intention. The final day of taping I set an intention for gratitude (always helpful) and FUN! Snapping pics made it fun for me and seemed to lighten the mood of all the nervous participants.
At the outset of this journey I had a really cool moment that I blogged about:
...the only person who needs to accept all of me, is ME.
So when this beautiful, self-obsessing, broken and healed woman was doing yoga in front of a team of camera and production people, all the while knowing that it will be aired, she was often smirking to herself and thinking, "this curvy suburban woman is having a grand adventure...living the dream." In those moments the fear dissipated, perfect love was driving it out.
Love has the run of this house, this soul. A journey that I once thought impossible is unfolding.
